So its been a good three weeks into the paleo diet.
At first I loved it, I was getting creative with what I was eating.
I was enoying the simplicity, the meats, the veggies, yumm

I want pizza.
I want cheese.
I want beer.

I weighed myself after 8 days and I had lost 4 pounds. I know I've lost more since.
Trying to stay motivated.
Hopefully when I get the shakology it will help, it says it helps with junk food cravings. That better include pizza. I crave pizza!!!!!

I made fruit smoothies almost every morning, I'm not tired of those yet, fruit is expensive though. I've been adding coconut milk instead of juice lately, I'm not supposed to drink most juices.

Lunch is usually a salad with meat and only oil and vinegar for dressing, or I will pack leftovers from dinner. Today I had steak, salad, and zuccini.

Dinner is usually a meat, and some sort of veggies. One night I made speghetti squash and meatballs. That was good. Chicken, pork, burgers, steak, meatballs, salmon.... I'm getting bored, what other meats are there, what is good to pair with it?! I miss potatoes.

I have turkey burgers, salmon, and meatballs at home, and some frozen chicken, I don't want any of that tonight. I had steak last night and for lunch today... maybe I will go to Trader Joes and see what looks good, maybe just roast some veggies with bacon.

Tornado watch till 5. Severe thunderstorm warnings. Oh and its 55 degrees. Quite the change from the 20's. Tomorrow is supposed to hit 60. The snow might finally all melt away. But next week its back in the 30's and its supposed to snow. Crazy MD weather.

Ok back to work.

Plan is Meg moves in on Sunday.
Rick still has furniture and random stuff around house.
Says he can't get a truck till Sunday.
Sunday will be interesting!
Last night Emily spent night out.
I was alone.
I slept the best I have in weeks.

After a few crazy episodes Rick says hes sorry and loves me and will never give up on me.
I don't understand crazy.
If you love me and don't want to lose me then why say all the crazy things?

I let my cat sleep in my room. She is a great alarm clock, slept in the bed, didn't bother me till sun up, then attacked me till I got up haha cats are funny.
Today will be the first day she's alone all day, I wonder if she cares or likes it or is lonely? Do cats get lonely? She will have a cat friend on Sunday, never had a cat friend before, hopefully they get along!
I can't decide if I should wait till tax season is over to get a dog, or wait for my sister to move down the street and get dogs together, or maybe just play it by ear and keep volunteering at the SPCA and when the right dog comes along then snatch it up. I dunno.

I have a meeting at Emilys middle school tonight.... MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Changes...

Sometimes I think maybe I am crazy. Maybe my expectations aren't realistic. But then I see all my friends who are married or who are in serious relationships and the way they act towards each other and do things for each other, and I know I'm not crazy.
Its amazing how someone can be wonderful and as soon as they are comfortable they are a totally different person.
Since I've asked Rick to move out things haven't been great, he blames Merry and me for letting it come to this. He thinks I'm crazy for believeing Merry when she says she moved out because of him. Right, shes been lying to me for months about how she can't stand to live with you. Sure Rick, you must know her way better than me.
So February I have no roommate income, and Rick is in a hole and can't pay me till the 21st. Three weeks late. And he's supposed to move out by the 19th.
Not only is it his fault I'm out a roommate, on top of that he can't pay me anything either.
I feel like any person in this situation would feel somewhat obligated to do some extra work around the house or do anything they can to make life a little easier for the person who is super understanding and letting them pay so late. No. No extra help. Nothing. He vaccuumed twice. Thanks. He also ate all my eggs and bread and got all pissy one night when I only made dinner for me. Sorry Rick, I can't afford to feed you and let you live here for free!! I'm not your mom!!!
Long story short, we broke up.
On Valentines Day.
I told him he doesn't meet expectations, and I feel used and taken for granted, and I feel like I give and give and give and get nothing in return, sorry I'm a girl and I need to feel appreciated and loved, and I feel more like a mom than a girlfriend.
I told my brothers the other night that I was gonna break up with him. None of them were surprised. Thomas said I've always been a generous person and would do anything for the people I care about and I deserve to be with someone who would do the same for me, and Rick just isn't that person. So at least I'm not the only one who sees it.
Change will be good.
I will get me house back.
I will clean up all the dog shit in the backyard and plant grass in the spring.
My backyard used to be my favorite place in the world and I get it back.
I will also get my own dog.
Meg and Gav are moving in.
Emily will have a little brother sort of, it will be good for both her and Gavin.
Good things are coming.

After much thinking and debate I finally decided I was going to ask Rick to move out. This has little to do with his behaviour towards Merry. Thats just another example of his reckless behaviour and very little respect for my well being.

When it comes down to it the main reason is simply because I'm not happy.

Rick is in my opinion extremely lazy and irresponsible. Not to mention a mean drunk. I think the only way we have a chance of working out is if he moves out and learns responsibility, and then eventually we actually talk about moving in together, and sharing a home, 50/50, not me being his roommate, where he pays the absolute minimum rent, and does the absolute minimum around the house, no thanks, don't wanna be his roommate, I don't wanna split the bills 80/20, nope sorry.

So Rick didn't take it to well. Said it was icing on the cake, and that I must not love him at all but mostly because I told someone in my family what he said to Merry. I must not love him because I was upset and talked to my mom and sister and told them how he upset me. I'm the bad guy because I told someone what happened.... right, lets not even mention what happened and who did it... I'm the bad guy. He also said he would wait till Feb 19 to move out and not pay me another dime. Along with a lot of swearing, slamming doors, and drunk crazy behaviour.

I have a feeling today he will be a little more level headed and appologize... but lets go back to Wednesday, when I said it is absolutely unexeptable for him to say mean things that he doesn't mean at all with the sole intention of trying to upset me, who does that to people they care about?!?!?!? He swore it would never happen agian. So either he meant everything he said or he broke his 4 day old promise.

He had better start kissing my ass or I will have him kicked out.

I don't understand. He used to be almost perfect. I don't even know who he is anymore.

"I feel sorry for the next guy, after three months you will get bored with him, your pathetic"
Thanks Rick. Thanks for being so understanding. I was more than generous letting you stay way beyond what I agreed to. I'm tired of cleaning up after you, your worse than a child. I hate your dog.

Big changes coming. Meg and Gavin moving in. Merry and Rick moving out. As always I put a smile on my face and I'm greatful for my family and my friends and my job. I love life. Nothing can break me.

So it finally came to the point where Merry refuses to live with Rick any longer... and its not as simple as just kicking Rick out, because he would still be around, she isn't going to even put the idea in my head that if I broke up with him she would stay, she's a good person, she is miserable living with us, and its just so frusterating, because I can't win. But maybe I should break up with him....

It is 100% his fault she is moving out, and we both downplayed it to him saying she was going to move out end of March anyway, and gee why is that, because she can't stand living with Rick, so instead of waiting, she is moving out at the end of this month.

So I have three weeks to find a new roommate.

I actually have one prospect, one of my best friends. The problem is she has a 5 year old son. Why is that a problem?? Because I have to give him the extra bedroom, my future nursery... so as long as they live in my house, I cannot have a baby. Dream shattered. Do I want one with Rick anyway? He is slowly destroying my life.

I am thinking of kicking him out. I will be ok just me and Meg financially. We never did discuss living together... he moved in because he had nowhere else to go, it was supposed to be temporary... three months top I believe he said. Here it is 9 months later, he chased my roommate away, his dog has detroyed my backyard and my carpet, ugh I don't know what to do.

Maybe by the end of the year I will get a raise, maybe a significant raise when I'm a CPA. Maybe Rick will find a job making more than 8.50 an hour.... and maybe Meg will move in with Lucian... and if all these maybe's happen, then maybe, maybe, maybe I will be financially able to have a baby in 2015.... yeah right.

Like my client said, I need to find a rich boyfriend who has a career... and stop waiting for Rick to grow up so I can actually have what I want. Is it selfsih for me to not want to give up my dreams and my roommate for someone who is happy that Merry is moving out, who doesn't seem to understand how much his actions mess up what I want in life.

Maybe its time for me to be selfish... and I recall saying this before... several times... and I always end up right back where I was... where is my soul mate?!?!?!?!!??!

2013

It was a good year.

Major highlights:

My surprise 30th b-day. Backyard Chopped edition, seriously one of the best days ever.

Camping trips. Maple Tree, Watermelon Park, and Greenridge State Forest, great year of camping!

My sisters wedding. Mrs. Michaels. It was perfect.

Passing one section of the CPA exam

Running three half marathons.


Goals for 2014:

Put up drywall in laundry room, paint.

Finish painting bedroom.

Plant grass, make garden in back yard. Fix fense?

Pass remaining three sections of CPA exam.

Get pregnant by December...

Lose 10 pounds

Eat healthier.

Travel - To Tulsa - To Outerbanks. Def more camping, maybe a weekend away in NYC or upstate New York.

I should be studying right now... I don't want to. I'm so tired of it. Rick is working and Merry is at her dads I just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie Instead I am studying transfers of financial assets. Awesome. 10 more days. Rick and I have been fighting a lot lately... Money sucks. There are two very difficult parts of parenting that make me feel so useless and frusterated. #1 - sick kid - nothing you can do but watch them suffer. AWEFULL!!!! #2 - Not being able to provide for your kid the way you want to because you don't have the money. I want to give her the world, I want her to have nice clothes, I want her to eat good food. I'm doing the best I can but I feel like its not good enough. I make more than the average american. Statistically I think the average is 55k. With two roommates I still am barely surviving. I can only blame myself. My credit card debt. I let someone else use my cards. My fault. I pay for it every day. Credit card debt. Mortgage. Outrageous water bill. Student loans. Car insruance. Internet. Child care. Health insurance. And my guilty pleasures... cell phone, boot camp... I am drowning. Something needs to change. But what? I can't cancel Emilys health insurance, thats my biggest bill!! Can't pull her out of child care. Can't stop paying my credit cards or student loans. Nothing else would really make a dent. So I need more income. Oh right thats why I'm studying. Back to studying.