So it finally came to the point where Merry refuses to live with Rick any longer... and its not as simple as just kicking Rick out, because he would still be around, she isn't going to even put the idea in my head that if I broke up with him she would stay, she's a good person, she is miserable living with us, and its just so frusterating, because I can't win. But maybe I should break up with him....

It is 100% his fault she is moving out, and we both downplayed it to him saying she was going to move out end of March anyway, and gee why is that, because she can't stand living with Rick, so instead of waiting, she is moving out at the end of this month.

So I have three weeks to find a new roommate.

I actually have one prospect, one of my best friends. The problem is she has a 5 year old son. Why is that a problem?? Because I have to give him the extra bedroom, my future nursery... so as long as they live in my house, I cannot have a baby. Dream shattered. Do I want one with Rick anyway? He is slowly destroying my life.

I am thinking of kicking him out. I will be ok just me and Meg financially. We never did discuss living together... he moved in because he had nowhere else to go, it was supposed to be temporary... three months top I believe he said. Here it is 9 months later, he chased my roommate away, his dog has detroyed my backyard and my carpet, ugh I don't know what to do.

Maybe by the end of the year I will get a raise, maybe a significant raise when I'm a CPA. Maybe Rick will find a job making more than 8.50 an hour.... and maybe Meg will move in with Lucian... and if all these maybe's happen, then maybe, maybe, maybe I will be financially able to have a baby in 2015.... yeah right.

Like my client said, I need to find a rich boyfriend who has a career... and stop waiting for Rick to grow up so I can actually have what I want. Is it selfsih for me to not want to give up my dreams and my roommate for someone who is happy that Merry is moving out, who doesn't seem to understand how much his actions mess up what I want in life.

Maybe its time for me to be selfish... and I recall saying this before... several times... and I always end up right back where I was... where is my soul mate?!?!?!?!!??!