I've been so back and forth lately. Sometimes I feel optimistic and sometimes I feel at a loss.

This is where things stood over the summer. It was a good summer.
Ben had surgery. I helped take care of him. I spent a lot of time with his mom and dad. Emily came to Bens house for the first time. Emily met his mom.
I went to his sisters house in Richmond for an engagement party. Ben and I destroyed everyone at beer pong. So far we are undefeated this summer. We even entered a tournament and won a bunch of random stuff. I had an awkward brunch with him and his parents as they all complained about his sisters fiance. He called me every day and tried to hang out every day. He came out on the boat with my family every weekend. In the two years that I've known him, he seemed the happiest this summer, despite the surgery and not being able to play soccer, he seemed happy. Maybe it was me that was happy and so it just seemed he was happy too... but I felt good about us, I felt like we had a future, that we made each other happy, that we were a team.
Finding out that he was with someone else in the spring was tough. I felt lied to, I felt like everything between us was a lie. In retrospect I see it couldn't have all been a lie. I wish I never found out. Things aren't the same. He tried to avoid me, the whole issue all together. Both of us however felt very lost. We tried to talk things through but instead we both just tried to pretend like nothing happened. We actually had a great weekend. We went to the Orioles game, we went out afterwards and had a great time bar hopping till last call. Saturday we watched netflix most of the day and went out Saturday night with several of his friends. Sunday morning we had another lazy day. Sunday night he went out with Jason and I spent time with my family. Monday we watched the O's together. Monday he seemed down, I assumed because the work week was about to start. Now its Wednesday and he's barely said a word to me. No phone call after work. If I didn't text him asking about his drafts we probably wouldn't have said a word yesterday. WHY!? I want what he had in the summer. I don't understand why he's pushing me away.