What to do

So I talked to Ben.

He said that girl is lots of fun to hang out but crazy, not his type of girl, he likes me, wants to keep seeing me, which is why he has continued to see me.

I dunno.

He wants to make it official, or call it off.

He said a lot of honest stuff, it was nice to talk to him.

I want to be with him. I just want him to act like he wants to be with me. His excuses for being distant aren't quite good enough.

I dunno I dunno. I would like to talk to him in person, not on the phone. He's not coming to soccer tonight. I asked him if we could talk on Thursday and his response was "Orioles play on Thursday" right, ok, so thats a no?

My roommate is driving me bonkers. She asked me last night if it was ok if went to this party, sure I'm not going anywhere, I don't care. BUT she didn't come home, she calls me at 8 saying she was stuck behind a bus and can Emily please walk Gavin to the bus, which comes at 8:08, well Gavin had gotten himself dressed, but needed breakfast, Emily was busy getting ready and eating breakfast, so she had to stop eating and take him. Poor kid, I heard him when he got up calling for her, sorry but your mommy isn't home because she went to a party last night and spent the night out and didn't wake up in time to get you to the bus or to make you breakfast or make sure your good for picture day. He's 5!! I said something to her, she said she's not happy with herself and it won't happen again. It better not, she will lose custody, you can't do that shit!

Ugh

What happened.

Everything was going fine. When I was on vacation, Ben missed me, he couldn't wait till I came back. Then the next weekend he didn't want to hang out. He wouldn't tell me why, said I would be mad. We went to the O's game on labor day. Had a great time. He came over on that Thursday, I made him dinner and we watched football. I went to a wedding that weekend so I didn't see him for 10 days, because he was "busy."

While at wedding I see a pic he is tagged in on Facebook, with a blonde girl, it was a questionable picture.

I didnt bring it up. He tried to get me to go to happy hour the following weekend but I went to a wedding with Keith instead. I did go to Bens house that Sunday though, after 10 days of not seeing each other, he didn't seem too excited to see me, except that I brought Chipotle, he was happy about that. The night before he was tagged by the blonde girl at Rams Head.

He joined my soccer team, the first game was the Wednesday after I brought him Chipotle, He met me after work and came to my house to watch soccer before going to soccer. He kissed me goodbye in front of Emily.

I went to his house that Saturday morning to watch soccer with him. I went to my sisters party after that and I didn't talk to him that night. The next morning I look at facebook to see if Blondie tagged him in anything. No, worse, he posted a pic of the two of them. Really?! Then even better, his relationship status was updated and it said he was in a relationship with her. I immediately texted him, he said he got really drunk and he's not in a relationship, not with her, and I guess not with me. The status went away, but the picture didn't. I decided to not make a huge deal. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship then fine.

We had a soccer game on Wednesday, again he kissed me goodbye. It was awkward.

Friday we went to happy hour. It was really fun. I figured if he's spending so much time with me that maybe the other girl is nothing and I'm reading into it too much.

Saturday night I spent the night in Bmore with Natalie. Ben said he wanted to hang out sometime on Sunday since I was in the area. I ended up meeting him after the football game for a bit.

I get home Sunday night and now Facebook has two new photos of them, one of them looked like they were yelling into each others mouthes, not quite kissing but close enough, the other one was a cute picture, if you saw it you would think aww what a cute couple. The photos were old, not from Sunday, unless he changed his clothes and went out as soon as I left. Then there were more... he was tagged in photos from earlier in the month. The first one was on September 1st. I was at the O's game with him that day!? Must have been from that weekend, the one when he dind't want to hang out with me. Another one was when I was away for a weekend at a wedding. Another one was a day I was with him all day. Doesn't make sense but he's clearly been seeing both of us all month. Sometimes the same day.

So I commented on one of the pics, just said "really,,,"

The pic vanished. The rest are still there though.

I don't want to see him again. He is supposed to make me dinner before soccer on Wednesday.

I wonder if he will show up to soccer. I wonder if the other girl knows I exist. I wonder why he continues to see me when he clearly likes this other girl. He doesn't post pics of us, or even take pics of us. Why meet me yesterday? Why join the soccer team? I don't get it. Why post pics on facebook when I'm clearly going to see them?? Does he think that I wouldn't care if he's with someone else?!?!?

I liked him. :(

I met up with one of my friends Sat night and one of his friends who I've met several times was there and he is single now, he's a CPA and said he can help me pass the exam, We got way too drunk though, not sure if he wants to hang out again, I cna't remember much of the end of the night. I gave him my number though cause he called me to give me his, but I don't remember that haha. Our mutual friend is getting married in October, so I at least will see him there.

I'm angry. I'm hurt. The only reason I want to see Nick again is because I'm mad at Ben. I almost called Keith last night to see if he wants to hang out, ughhhh Leah no, I don't know what to do.

I haven't talked to Ben since I left his house yesterday. He must know I'm mad. He took down the picture. I'm kind of surprised the Blonde chic didn't question my comment, I'm sure she asked him about me, right?

Ok back to work. Done venting.

Friday!

I'm in a good mood today.

I took my exam last night. Its going to be close. Either just passing or just below passing. No point in worrying about it now. Its done, its over, I don't have to study anymore (for now).

Its Friday! yay!! I'm having lunch with one of my fav's!! At one of my fav places, outside and its sooooo nice out, then I'm leaving work early and hopefully meeting up with Ben for happy hour, then meeting up with Merry and then having a draft party at my house, then its a three day weekend! Yes, its a good day.

I also finally got decent sleep.

Boating tomorrow.

Emily loves middle school so far. She is in AVID!! Yay!!

Keith has been trying to hang out, not sure what to do, I like him and want to keep him around but I don't want to lead him on and then be like oh sorry I'm with Ben and I'm a jerk for leading you on for nothing. He's been trying to hang out for like over a month and I keep making up excuses, but he hasn't given up, which doesn't make sense, he's a good looking guy, he's fun, he's smart, he's very unique, he can get any girl he wants, why does he keep calling me? I'm older than him, I don't go out every weekend like he does, we are so different, I dunno, seems kind of messed up to keep him around just in case things don't work out with Ben. Ben is the better choice, he's a little older than Keith, he has a masters degree, a great teaching job, he's into soccer, and the Ravens and the Orioles, and Game of Thrones, and Naked and Afraid, and he seems way more in to me than Keith. Keith has a close family though, family is a big priority to him. Ben is kinda close with his brother but doesn't care much for the rest of his family. His brother plays semi professional soccer for OKC Energy, which is what Ben wished he does, so he kind of idolizes his baby brother. I watched one of his games on a a live utube feed, it was pretty cool.

Stupid picture is sideways.

Ok back to work.

Ben again....

One night I met up with Ben, he was a little drunk, but he was a happy drunk.
He told me I was his favorite person in the world.

A couple weeks later I noticed Ben got an okcupid notification on his phone.
I questioned it. He said he has commitment problems. Doesn't make sense.
He apologized.

I went away for the weekend. He wanted to hang out as soon as I got back.

He is going away for a little while. He said he wanted to hang out the night before he left.
He said he wanted to go to my soccer game.
He said he wanted to stay at my house that night.
He totally blew me off.

He said he was going to Delaware, then going to the beach, then coming back to Baltimore to play his soccer game on Sunday and then flying to Denver. He didn't say when he was coming back from Denver but he didn't make it sound like he was going for more than a couple days.

So I got mad at him for standing me up. Would have been nice to see him before he left.
He said he was sorry.
He said he won't be gone forever.
I said I'm leaving on the 17th.
He said he won't be back by then.

How?! He said he goes back to work on the 18th.
He also said he would be in town on Sunday.
I'm trying so hard to not get upset.
I'm trying so hard not to care.
Sometimes he's really great, like really great.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just the girl thats around till something better comes along.

I dont know.

I like him. I thought he liked me. He told me how much me liked me.
Am I really just very insecure? I thought I know better.

I like Ben.

He's great :)

Ben...

I ran the Baltimore 10 miler the other weekend, it was a great race, good weather, great finish time, I had hung out with Keith the night before, all was well in the world, and I went out in Baltimore and had some drinks with a few girls and the next thing I know I'm talking to this guy who is 29, he's a teacher, and I'm not sure how long I've been talking to him. I continue talking to him and then gave him my phone number and went to a different bar.
Maybe an hour or so later he texts me and wants to come meet me wherever I am, so I tell him where and he shows up and plays the animal game with me and my friends. Major points for that.
He hang out for a bit and he leaves and the night ends.

Since then I've seen him three more times.

He took me to dinner one night. Took me to a bar another night. Paid for everything both times.

I had him over and made him dinner, he brought wine. He met Emily.

My roommate says he's great, she says we have chemistry.

He's super smart, has an English degree and a masters in education. He teaches at a private school.

He lives alone, which he said he prefers and will continue to till he gets married.

He loves soccer, he plays on three teams.

We are hanging out again tonight. I'm a little nervous about how interested he seems to be in me, I mean I know I'm awesome, but it just seems too fast, I dunno...

I like him.

I met a new boy...

He seems strangely familiar yet we have no common friends and don't recall ever meeting.

We met at a bar crawl, great place to meet I know.

We've hung out twice. Saturday night I went to his house, which is a pretty neat place. Some very odd furniture, but I like it.

He plays the ukulele, and he sang me a bunch of songs, haha it was really really cool.

He's funny too. Hmmm... not sure what to think yet.