It was a good year.
Major highlights:
My surprise 30th b-day. Backyard Chopped edition, seriously one of the best days ever.
Camping trips. Maple Tree, Watermelon Park, and Greenridge State Forest, great year of camping!
My sisters wedding. Mrs. Michaels. It was perfect.
Passing one section of the CPA exam
Running three half marathons.
Goals for 2014:
Put up drywall in laundry room, paint.
Finish painting bedroom.
Plant grass, make garden in back yard. Fix fense?
Pass remaining three sections of CPA exam.
Get pregnant by December...
Lose 10 pounds
Eat healthier.
Travel - To Tulsa - To Outerbanks. Def more camping, maybe a weekend away in NYC or upstate New York.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
I should be studying right now... I don't want to. I'm so tired of it. Rick is working and Merry is at her dads I just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie Instead I am studying transfers of financial assets. Awesome. 10 more days. Rick and I have been fighting a lot lately... Money sucks. There are two very difficult parts of parenting that make me feel so useless and frusterated. #1 - sick kid - nothing you can do but watch them suffer. AWEFULL!!!! #2 - Not being able to provide for your kid the way you want to because you don't have the money. I want to give her the world, I want her to have nice clothes, I want her to eat good food. I'm doing the best I can but I feel like its not good enough. I make more than the average american. Statistically I think the average is 55k. With two roommates I still am barely surviving. I can only blame myself. My credit card debt. I let someone else use my cards. My fault. I pay for it every day. Credit card debt. Mortgage. Outrageous water bill. Student loans. Car insruance. Internet. Child care. Health insurance. And my guilty pleasures... cell phone, boot camp... I am drowning. Something needs to change. But what? I can't cancel Emilys health insurance, thats my biggest bill!! Can't pull her out of child care. Can't stop paying my credit cards or student loans. Nothing else would really make a dent. So I need more income. Oh right thats why I'm studying. Back to studying.
Friday, November 22, 2013
He's dead.
It's weird. Hard to wrap my head around.
I mean it was bound to happen.
He was accident prone, careless, suicidal.
My first thought was that maybe the nightmares would stop.
My co-worker told me the nightmares will never stop.
They will eventually happen less frequently but never stop.
Efff. I figured in my dream I would be like hey wait, your dead, this isn't real... and wake up.
We shall see.
I had a nightmare last Friday night, I didn't know he was dead then.
My sister called me last night, she said she thought I was the only one who didn't know.
Thanks mom. Thanks for telling all my siblings and waiting to tell me last.
Thanks for thinking I would be upset! Or even surprised.
When I am at home and hear a loud car drive by... I will not panic.
When I walk out of work I won't scan the parking lot to make sure he's not waiting for me.
When I go anywhere in public I won't be scared I will run into him.
When I am taking a shower I won't worry about him breaking into my house.
When I sleep at night I won't worry about him tampering with my car or house.
No more fear, no more worry. Why would I be upset?
His funeral is today.
No I'm not going.
Why would I?
I didn't know his family.
There is still much anger... that didn't die with him, but whats the point at being angry at a dead person? It will fade.
http://www.capitalgazette.com/maryland_gazette/police_beat/three-injured-in-two-car-wreck-in-gambrills/article_9a52877b-afe6-5aac-961d-0fdf8925ac02.html#user-comment-area
Loser. I can almost guarantee he was on drugs.
http://www.beallfuneral.com/sitemaker/sites/BeallF1/obit.cgi?user=1160396Pfarr
It kinda pisses me off that he is made out to look like a decent guy.
No mention of the cats he murdered, or the lives he nearly destroyed, or his terrible temper, or his drug problem, no mention of his multiple suicide attempts and how he steals and lies to the people that he supposedly cares about.
Thank god that those two teenagers in the other car were not seriously injured. He can't hurt anyone anymore. The world is a little safer.
4 months is a long time to suffer, but I've been suffering for over a year now, and I'm not completely healed yet, so I don't feel bad for him, he finally got what he wanted.
He tried to contact me the day before his accident, I ignored him. I never heard from him again. Part of me wished I could have told him what I thought of him, oh well. All the money I left and was stolen from me I guess died with him, but I never really expected that back anyway.
Goodbye Danny.
It's weird. Hard to wrap my head around.
I mean it was bound to happen.
He was accident prone, careless, suicidal.
My first thought was that maybe the nightmares would stop.
My co-worker told me the nightmares will never stop.
They will eventually happen less frequently but never stop.
Efff. I figured in my dream I would be like hey wait, your dead, this isn't real... and wake up.
We shall see.
I had a nightmare last Friday night, I didn't know he was dead then.
My sister called me last night, she said she thought I was the only one who didn't know.
Thanks mom. Thanks for telling all my siblings and waiting to tell me last.
Thanks for thinking I would be upset! Or even surprised.
When I am at home and hear a loud car drive by... I will not panic.
When I walk out of work I won't scan the parking lot to make sure he's not waiting for me.
When I go anywhere in public I won't be scared I will run into him.
When I am taking a shower I won't worry about him breaking into my house.
When I sleep at night I won't worry about him tampering with my car or house.
No more fear, no more worry. Why would I be upset?
His funeral is today.
No I'm not going.
Why would I?
I didn't know his family.
There is still much anger... that didn't die with him, but whats the point at being angry at a dead person? It will fade.
http://www.capitalgazette.com/maryland_gazette/police_beat/three-injured-in-two-car-wreck-in-gambrills/article_9a52877b-afe6-5aac-961d-0fdf8925ac02.html#user-comment-area
Loser. I can almost guarantee he was on drugs.
http://www.beallfuneral.com/sitemaker/sites/BeallF1/obit.cgi?user=1160396Pfarr
It kinda pisses me off that he is made out to look like a decent guy.
No mention of the cats he murdered, or the lives he nearly destroyed, or his terrible temper, or his drug problem, no mention of his multiple suicide attempts and how he steals and lies to the people that he supposedly cares about.
Thank god that those two teenagers in the other car were not seriously injured. He can't hurt anyone anymore. The world is a little safer.
4 months is a long time to suffer, but I've been suffering for over a year now, and I'm not completely healed yet, so I don't feel bad for him, he finally got what he wanted.
He tried to contact me the day before his accident, I ignored him. I never heard from him again. Part of me wished I could have told him what I thought of him, oh well. All the money I left and was stolen from me I guess died with him, but I never really expected that back anyway.
Goodbye Danny.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Babies...
Emily is 10, she is super tall and skinny, really pretty, and has her own style and interests and personality. I remember thinking at one time how great it would be if I didn't have to pick her out an outfit every morning, and didn't have to pick out the clothes to buy, but my god do I miss it. Its like suddenly she is all grown up and only needs me to buy her food and drive her places.
I keep seeing all these pictures of her between the ages of 2 - 5, my favorite years for her, she was so happy and so gosh darn cute. Not that she's unhappy now, she just isn't as young and innocent.
Babies are pretty much all I talk about lately.
I want one.
Sooner than later.
I need to get my CPA.
I need a husband.
I WANT ONE NOW!
Waiting.
Waiting.
Every day I swear someone else posts on facebook a baby in the womb picture.
Waiting.
I have been studying every night for hours. It is overwhelming. Too much material and not enough time to learn it all. Its crazy. I think its twice the amount of material as last test. What if I don't pass? How did everyone else pass!!? I'm not dumb, but this damn test is making me feel like a big dumb failure. How bad do I really want to be a CPA... ughhh I just want the extra income.
I keep seeing all these pictures of her between the ages of 2 - 5, my favorite years for her, she was so happy and so gosh darn cute. Not that she's unhappy now, she just isn't as young and innocent.
Babies are pretty much all I talk about lately.
I want one.
Sooner than later.
I need to get my CPA.
I need a husband.
I WANT ONE NOW!
Waiting.
Waiting.
Every day I swear someone else posts on facebook a baby in the womb picture.
Waiting.
I have been studying every night for hours. It is overwhelming. Too much material and not enough time to learn it all. Its crazy. I think its twice the amount of material as last test. What if I don't pass? How did everyone else pass!!? I'm not dumb, but this damn test is making me feel like a big dumb failure. How bad do I really want to be a CPA... ughhh I just want the extra income.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Ok so I'm new to this blog, I've only ever used xanga so this whole thing is very unfamiliar, I almost feel like I am writing an essay or something.
I only have a few minutes before I leave work but I wanted to finally create a new blog and I think there was something that I wanted to write about but I can't really think of what that was...
Lots to look forward this upcoming weekend! Friday I am going to leave work a little early and go camping, somewhere north west, a state forest, which is supposed to be magical this time of year with the leaves all changing. Weather is supposed to be good too. And its "real camping" where we are designated an area and there is no bathrooms or showers or anything. This should be interesting. There is like 15 of us going! Its going to be crazy fun, and we are going to a shooting range! Finally I get to shoot a real gun!
Monday is Ricks 30th birthday. I wish I could do something really cool for him. He helped throw me the worlds best 30th surprise party, but I don't know his friends or his family like he knows mine. I took the day off, we of course will get some BBQ for lunch somewhere and he has a softball game later in the day. I bought him tickets to a chili and beer tasting in November, I signed him up for the Annapolis 10k, I bought him a soccer jersey, and some Eagles headphones, and I said I would sign him up for bootcamp if he chooses he wants to, and I won some snowboarding passes that I was going to give him, so its a lot, it just doesn't really seem to meaningful. I mean the chili and beer thing will be with my sister and her husband, it will be really fun.
What else.......
I only have a few minutes before I leave work but I wanted to finally create a new blog and I think there was something that I wanted to write about but I can't really think of what that was...
Lots to look forward this upcoming weekend! Friday I am going to leave work a little early and go camping, somewhere north west, a state forest, which is supposed to be magical this time of year with the leaves all changing. Weather is supposed to be good too. And its "real camping" where we are designated an area and there is no bathrooms or showers or anything. This should be interesting. There is like 15 of us going! Its going to be crazy fun, and we are going to a shooting range! Finally I get to shoot a real gun!
Monday is Ricks 30th birthday. I wish I could do something really cool for him. He helped throw me the worlds best 30th surprise party, but I don't know his friends or his family like he knows mine. I took the day off, we of course will get some BBQ for lunch somewhere and he has a softball game later in the day. I bought him tickets to a chili and beer tasting in November, I signed him up for the Annapolis 10k, I bought him a soccer jersey, and some Eagles headphones, and I said I would sign him up for bootcamp if he chooses he wants to, and I won some snowboarding passes that I was going to give him, so its a lot, it just doesn't really seem to meaningful. I mean the chili and beer thing will be with my sister and her husband, it will be really fun.
What else.......
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