Friday was 5 months since I've met Ben.
Friday night I went to happy hour with Meg. I went home and showered and then back out to meet Meg. Got really bored with the bar scene and left to go to Brookes to hang out with her and Merry. Lots of fun. Love ladies night with those girls. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up and went home despite Keith begging me to come over. I was almost about to go to bed when Ben called and told me to come over.
He was genuinely happy to see me. He even told me how happy he was that I was there, and said "your my favorite person that I hate" thanks Ben. He also said we will eventually get married. Not now, but eventually... when Emily is 40 and I'm 70. Good math Ben. He asked me what he was to me. I said he was Ben. Great answer I know. He said he thinks he's just my toy, and he's ok with that. Thats when he said we were not going to get married now but later so its cool.
Its Tuesday and I miss him like crazy. I don't even know if I will see him this weekend because of the Annapolis half marathon. I wonder if he misses me.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Dreams
I had such a weird dream last night, I always mean to write dreams down but I never do.
The earliest in the dream I can remember was me pursuing several different men, one was Tom from the Blacklist (hahahaha), one was an older guy who was a surgeon ($$$) and the rest were random guys, and I was walking outside this hotel and heading towards the pool when I see one of the guys and I try to walk by without him noticing me, but then somehow all of them show up and starting yelling at each other and yelling at me demanding explanations... then the next thing I remember is going to a house that I guess I lived at and packing it up, I'm not sure where I was taking everything, but it was taking way too long, and getting complicated, obstacles kept arising, such as not being able to park close enough to load stuff in the car, help not showing up, etc.
The next thing I remember is being at a wedding at a fancy hotel. I was sitting with my sister, Alex Long, and someone else. We were drinking cocktails and chatting. I started to feel a little drunk and called out Alex for not inviting me to her and Lenny's open house kitchen revealing (which I did find out about yesterday and was offended for not being invited). She apologized. I started feeling really drunk and although I tried my best to hide how drunk I was I kept tripping or slurring, and at one point I even fell forward on a chair and briefly passed out (I remember feeling myself falling forward on the chair and then suddenly realized I had my eyes closed), it was very realistic. I stood up super embarrassed and looked around to see if anyone noticed. I then walked out of the room to the elevator and took it to my floor, When I got to my room there were several people there, I talked to them for a while and realized I was starting to feel less drunk and felt much better.
I talked to the bride for a bit, she was a larger girl (unfamiliar in real life). I then remember over hearing my sister and her husband talking about having a baby and my sister was saying she wanted to start trying after October is over. I was super happy to hear this and also very jealous.
The earliest in the dream I can remember was me pursuing several different men, one was Tom from the Blacklist (hahahaha), one was an older guy who was a surgeon ($$$) and the rest were random guys, and I was walking outside this hotel and heading towards the pool when I see one of the guys and I try to walk by without him noticing me, but then somehow all of them show up and starting yelling at each other and yelling at me demanding explanations... then the next thing I remember is going to a house that I guess I lived at and packing it up, I'm not sure where I was taking everything, but it was taking way too long, and getting complicated, obstacles kept arising, such as not being able to park close enough to load stuff in the car, help not showing up, etc.
The next thing I remember is being at a wedding at a fancy hotel. I was sitting with my sister, Alex Long, and someone else. We were drinking cocktails and chatting. I started to feel a little drunk and called out Alex for not inviting me to her and Lenny's open house kitchen revealing (which I did find out about yesterday and was offended for not being invited). She apologized. I started feeling really drunk and although I tried my best to hide how drunk I was I kept tripping or slurring, and at one point I even fell forward on a chair and briefly passed out (I remember feeling myself falling forward on the chair and then suddenly realized I had my eyes closed), it was very realistic. I stood up super embarrassed and looked around to see if anyone noticed. I then walked out of the room to the elevator and took it to my floor, When I got to my room there were several people there, I talked to them for a while and realized I was starting to feel less drunk and felt much better.
I talked to the bride for a bit, she was a larger girl (unfamiliar in real life). I then remember over hearing my sister and her husband talking about having a baby and my sister was saying she wanted to start trying after October is over. I was super happy to hear this and also very jealous.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Another epic weekend
Emily had a soccer game Friday. It was great, intense, and Jess & Greg, and Sarah & her Ben, and cousin Kyle all came to watch, and they enjoyed it despite the 40 degree weather.
Later Friday night I went to hang out with Keith and his roommate Gianmarco and Kira, it was lots of fun, stayed there till 3:30, I was all impressed I stayed up so late and then Ben called and wanted to hang out, what are the odds I would actually be awake at 3:30?! So I go to his house, and we listen to youtube vidoes of old 90's rock music and sang along and drank whiskey, oh my gosh it was fun, then he busts out a guitar and starts playing me a bunch of songs, I had no idea he played guitar, ahhhhh I love it. We stayed up till almost 6 before finally falling asleep. I watched a little bit of soccer with him in the morning and then headed out to Heavy Seas brewery to meet the crew from last night for a chili festival, so much fun. The rest of the evening I relaxed, chugged water and went to bed early so I wouldn't be hung over for the 10k Across the Bay! I was super nervous to run over the bay bridge but it was actually pretty cool and lots of fun, met up with bootcamp friends at the finish and then my two good friends and we went out for a snack and then back to my moms house for dinner and games, then finally home and in bed early because it was such an exhausting weekend. But good.
Ben and I don't talk during the week. But we do play words with friends. Yes, nerdy. It has a messenger feature, and lately he has been messaging me,.. Thursday he was just being silly, and on Sunday he was asking about the bridge run. Baby steps... maybe soon we can be snap chat friends again hahaha and then maybe actually text each other instead of facebook message.... whoa maybe...
He called me last week, Sunday night, he sounded wasted, he said he thinks we should be a couple since we hang out all the time and hate each other, and thats what most couples are like. I thought it was cute and funny. He said he wanted to watch the Ravens/Steelers game with me that night but then didn't answer his phone, I text him saying I was coming over and he text back 25 minutes later saying he wasn't home and I didn't hear from him again till that Monday morning and he text me (real texts lol) and said he was sorry and he's a huge dickface. I said "yeah I know"
After I write all this down I feel like an idiot for still talking to him and seeing him and getting excited over him actually being nice to me. I know I need to talk to him and figure out what it is we are doing, but I kind of like it simple, but I do miss him a lot during the week. I want to know how he feels, Ugh. I hate him.
Later Friday night I went to hang out with Keith and his roommate Gianmarco and Kira, it was lots of fun, stayed there till 3:30, I was all impressed I stayed up so late and then Ben called and wanted to hang out, what are the odds I would actually be awake at 3:30?! So I go to his house, and we listen to youtube vidoes of old 90's rock music and sang along and drank whiskey, oh my gosh it was fun, then he busts out a guitar and starts playing me a bunch of songs, I had no idea he played guitar, ahhhhh I love it. We stayed up till almost 6 before finally falling asleep. I watched a little bit of soccer with him in the morning and then headed out to Heavy Seas brewery to meet the crew from last night for a chili festival, so much fun. The rest of the evening I relaxed, chugged water and went to bed early so I wouldn't be hung over for the 10k Across the Bay! I was super nervous to run over the bay bridge but it was actually pretty cool and lots of fun, met up with bootcamp friends at the finish and then my two good friends and we went out for a snack and then back to my moms house for dinner and games, then finally home and in bed early because it was such an exhausting weekend. But good.
Ben and I don't talk during the week. But we do play words with friends. Yes, nerdy. It has a messenger feature, and lately he has been messaging me,.. Thursday he was just being silly, and on Sunday he was asking about the bridge run. Baby steps... maybe soon we can be snap chat friends again hahaha and then maybe actually text each other instead of facebook message.... whoa maybe...
He called me last week, Sunday night, he sounded wasted, he said he thinks we should be a couple since we hang out all the time and hate each other, and thats what most couples are like. I thought it was cute and funny. He said he wanted to watch the Ravens/Steelers game with me that night but then didn't answer his phone, I text him saying I was coming over and he text back 25 minutes later saying he wasn't home and I didn't hear from him again till that Monday morning and he text me (real texts lol) and said he was sorry and he's a huge dickface. I said "yeah I know"
After I write all this down I feel like an idiot for still talking to him and seeing him and getting excited over him actually being nice to me. I know I need to talk to him and figure out what it is we are doing, but I kind of like it simple, but I do miss him a lot during the week. I want to know how he feels, Ugh. I hate him.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Oh what a weekend...
Lets start with the date... actually went really well, he was nice, conversation was good, I taught him about fantasy football, we had a couple drinks and called it a night. I text him when I got letting him know I got home fine and thanks for the drinks, he texted back saying he had a great time and he was caught off guard by how good looking I was... then I never heard from him again. Weird. Whatever.
I went to see Ben Saturday morning, the usual soccer game on tv. I left my jacket by accident, I text him later saying I left it and he said I will just have to come back soon and get it, and then he got all excited that I would have to come back.
My very good friend Mike got married Saturday night. I think Cait doesn't like me, she never goes with him when we hang out. But seeing the two of them together was awesome, very much in love, very happy, it was beautiful. I cried. It was a really fun night.
Sunday morning I went to see Ben. We went to breakfast. He sat across from me and started staring at me with a weird look, like you know, that look... and I asked him why he was staring at me, and he smiled and said "I'm just really glad you started talking to me at the bar that one night" referring to the night that we met. WTF!?!? Remember when you said you hated me Ben?! Remember when you said you choose blondie over me because she doesn't have a kid!? I hate boys.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Blah
Almost three weeks into invisalign, on my second tray, I can tell a difference on the top but not the bottom, I'm excited to see the next trays! I am getting used to having something constantly in my mouth, somewhat getting used to brushing my teeth 5 times a day, and seriously missing red wine. I think because I have to leave this tray in for 4 extra days I am going to designate a couple hours to a bottle of red wine on one of those days.
I have seen Ben twice... I shouldn't... but I did. He facebook messaged me wanting to see me, I was a little hurt he actually deleted my number, he said he was sorry and he missed me and doesn't hate me, etc., so I made him wait 6 hours then I hung out with him. It was nice to see him. I saw him again a week later. I spent a couple hours or so with him... we talked about life... how we ended up to be who we are... I need to stop seeing him.
I have a date tomorrow with a guy who likes to run and likes soccer and is cool with me having a kid... but he's in the air force, divorced, and I dunno... I guess I will just wait and see how it goes.
I miss Ben. There is so much about him that I really like, yet some things I hate.
I have seen Ben twice... I shouldn't... but I did. He facebook messaged me wanting to see me, I was a little hurt he actually deleted my number, he said he was sorry and he missed me and doesn't hate me, etc., so I made him wait 6 hours then I hung out with him. It was nice to see him. I saw him again a week later. I spent a couple hours or so with him... we talked about life... how we ended up to be who we are... I need to stop seeing him.
I have a date tomorrow with a guy who likes to run and likes soccer and is cool with me having a kid... but he's in the air force, divorced, and I dunno... I guess I will just wait and see how it goes.
I miss Ben. There is so much about him that I really like, yet some things I hate.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
week one...
Its been a week of invisalign, I can already tell a difference, beside the soreness and discomfort, I actually see a difference!! One week down, 45 to go...
Its been 4 days since I've spoken to Ben. I am still pretty angry at him... but getting better.... I can't help but think about the good times we had, and the super nice things he used to say me... and then I get super angry, how did end up to be such an asshole. Its ok... I'm better off... I'm ok...
Its been 4 days since I've spoken to Ben. I am still pretty angry at him... but getting better.... I can't help but think about the good times we had, and the super nice things he used to say me... and then I get super angry, how did end up to be such an asshole. Its ok... I'm better off... I'm ok...
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
What to do
So I talked to Ben.
He said that girl is lots of fun to hang out but crazy, not his type of girl, he likes me, wants to keep seeing me, which is why he has continued to see me.
I dunno.
He wants to make it official, or call it off.
He said a lot of honest stuff, it was nice to talk to him.
I want to be with him. I just want him to act like he wants to be with me. His excuses for being distant aren't quite good enough.
I dunno I dunno. I would like to talk to him in person, not on the phone. He's not coming to soccer tonight. I asked him if we could talk on Thursday and his response was "Orioles play on Thursday" right, ok, so thats a no?
My roommate is driving me bonkers. She asked me last night if it was ok if went to this party, sure I'm not going anywhere, I don't care. BUT she didn't come home, she calls me at 8 saying she was stuck behind a bus and can Emily please walk Gavin to the bus, which comes at 8:08, well Gavin had gotten himself dressed, but needed breakfast, Emily was busy getting ready and eating breakfast, so she had to stop eating and take him. Poor kid, I heard him when he got up calling for her, sorry but your mommy isn't home because she went to a party last night and spent the night out and didn't wake up in time to get you to the bus or to make you breakfast or make sure your good for picture day. He's 5!! I said something to her, she said she's not happy with herself and it won't happen again. It better not, she will lose custody, you can't do that shit!
He said that girl is lots of fun to hang out but crazy, not his type of girl, he likes me, wants to keep seeing me, which is why he has continued to see me.
I dunno.
He wants to make it official, or call it off.
He said a lot of honest stuff, it was nice to talk to him.
I want to be with him. I just want him to act like he wants to be with me. His excuses for being distant aren't quite good enough.
I dunno I dunno. I would like to talk to him in person, not on the phone. He's not coming to soccer tonight. I asked him if we could talk on Thursday and his response was "Orioles play on Thursday" right, ok, so thats a no?
My roommate is driving me bonkers. She asked me last night if it was ok if went to this party, sure I'm not going anywhere, I don't care. BUT she didn't come home, she calls me at 8 saying she was stuck behind a bus and can Emily please walk Gavin to the bus, which comes at 8:08, well Gavin had gotten himself dressed, but needed breakfast, Emily was busy getting ready and eating breakfast, so she had to stop eating and take him. Poor kid, I heard him when he got up calling for her, sorry but your mommy isn't home because she went to a party last night and spent the night out and didn't wake up in time to get you to the bus or to make you breakfast or make sure your good for picture day. He's 5!! I said something to her, she said she's not happy with herself and it won't happen again. It better not, she will lose custody, you can't do that shit!
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