So today he was admitted to a mental hospital. Shepherd Pratt. He tried to OD over the weekend. Why end up in the looney bin?! Any attempted suicide I know of had to stay at hospital for observation but not end up in the looney bin. Has he really lost his mind?!
My uncle was schizophrenic, he killed himself in jail. My grandfather was an alcoholic, he killed himself because he couldn't stop. Now my dad... Is suicide genetic somehow?! That's scary to think....
I was always told I have my dads genes.. Blue eyes... Dark hair... I hope nothing else. I clearly don't have an addiction problem. I hear that's genetic.
How should I feel? Cause all I feel is embarrassed and worried mental bad health is in my genes.
Anger. I also feel anger. Built up anger from most of my lifetime so far. Things are just fine if he keeps to himself and doesn't try to interfere with our lives. If he dies, then I have to explain to a child why someone would want to die... or do I lie?? Most of my brothers and sisters were lied to about my grandfather... when they found out they were really upset they were lied to... not sure if I want to do that... Why couldn't be as lucky as Emily and grown up without a father...
Anger. I also feel anger. Built up anger from most of my lifetime so far. Things are just fine if he keeps to himself and doesn't try to interfere with our lives. If he dies, then I have to explain to a child why someone would want to die... or do I lie?? Most of my brothers and sisters were lied to about my grandfather... when they found out they were really upset they were lied to... not sure if I want to do that... Why couldn't be as lucky as Emily and grown up without a father...
My thoughts - if you don't want to explain something to E, and you don't want to lie, then tell her, that you'll explain / answer when she is older. You don't have to tell her the details about anything - if you don't want to / if you think it should wait until she is older. (Ex: don't tell a 5 yr about s e x. But when they are older, then you explain it as best you can. another Ex: driving a car. Can't teach a 5 yr old how to drive a car, they can't reach the pedals yet nor see over the wheel. But when they are older and they can learn.)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure there is a "lesser evil" bad father vs no father. Even though I have a step-father, I still have wondered about my real father. "Why did he not want to stay? Why did he never try to see me? If I tracked him down, would he be willing to see me? Would he cuss me out? I wonder if he is still alive? -doctor visits- Family history Mother's history. Father's history ?? Wonder if he and his family have any history of illnesses? Almost never ending questions that probably won't ever find an answer.
It sucks that you know and have to deal with bad crap considering your father. But not knowing it's fun either.
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I think you will be fine - you don't have traits of bad metal health. You have a house, a good job, a good kid, good friends... You are doing good. You have a good support team. As long as you're trying, you will be fine. =) Don't worry. Love you friend!